HHHhhhmmmmm, Ive turned 31 on September 5,2010 of this year. And by all means I feel a little older and wiser. This year has been up and down and very revealing which inturn has jump started my healing. People come and go in ones life, leaving a lasting impression,that you could of done at lot better in your choice of freinds and descisions concerning life in general. As quickly as Ive made this revelation, I made changes in doubting who I am as a woman, in a society so quick to cast stones upon the characters of mere mortals.
I get up everyday and work, go to school and try my best to maintain my household. Taking crap from people is a no no. Being aware that I too deserve nothing less than greatness from my self and others, motivates me to press forward through a sea filled with bottom feadders. Im moving on and rising to the top, slowly but surely. Right now Im journeying upon A New Year and A Fresh Start.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Self Love, Queen Of My Universe I AM
The Universe is utterly amazing.
Im here with,my worries and my love, working everything out.
God does not come when u call him/her wright away, but is there wright on time.
It feels good to know when your highly favored and blessed.
I take my spoon full of sugar and salt.
Cause sometimes,life isnt so sweet.
Im holding on to things, that I should of let go a long time ago.
Tried to make it work, yet I have to make me work.
Shucks, Im doing ok. Its funny how the Universe works
and puts a smile on your face from the littlest things.
Im ok with me, even when others pass judgement.
Shit I Rock. and my Man thinks so too...Smooches
It feels good to be loved unconditionally but better when you love yourself.
Amen-Ra
Im here with,my worries and my love, working everything out.
God does not come when u call him/her wright away, but is there wright on time.
It feels good to know when your highly favored and blessed.
I take my spoon full of sugar and salt.
Cause sometimes,life isnt so sweet.
Im holding on to things, that I should of let go a long time ago.
Tried to make it work, yet I have to make me work.
Shucks, Im doing ok. Its funny how the Universe works
and puts a smile on your face from the littlest things.
Im ok with me, even when others pass judgement.
Shit I Rock. and my Man thinks so too...Smooches
It feels good to be loved unconditionally but better when you love yourself.
Amen-Ra
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
I think of you often
(I was feeling some kinda way, had to release some thoughts.)
I think of you often.
Everyday conversations replay in my mind.
Yet its that one moment that you lied, that plays so loudly.
On your high horse is were you look down on me from.
Forgetting that you also have imperfections, that your hidding from.
Friend is what i called you, but liar is more appropiate.
As mad as I am I hope you choke on this.
My badd, Im being you, mentally mischeivious and devious.
In a way I cant blame you.
You believed your truth was right, and lied which made me cry.
I doubted who I was, and wanted to make things right.
I compared myself to you, knowing damn well
we are simply two different people.
I actually thought I was wrong, and wanted to make ammends.
How can I do that, we cant be freinds.
Months went by, and I still thought of you.
Then one day a little birdy whispered in my ear, the truth.
Astounded and dumbfounded should have been my middle name.
You really pulled one over me, and in Jesus name you claim, peace.
In the words of many ghetto philosophers, negro please.
Get up off your, so called spiritual quest.
Become a guest in the house of reality.
Dont be a statistic from self afflicted wounds, leaving you a casualty.
Im thinking to much about you, but you were my freind through thick and thin.
Atleast thats what I thought.
I think of you often.
Everyday conversations replay in my mind.
Yet its that one moment that you lied, that plays so loudly.
On your high horse is were you look down on me from.
Forgetting that you also have imperfections, that your hidding from.
Friend is what i called you, but liar is more appropiate.
As mad as I am I hope you choke on this.
My badd, Im being you, mentally mischeivious and devious.
In a way I cant blame you.
You believed your truth was right, and lied which made me cry.
I doubted who I was, and wanted to make things right.
I compared myself to you, knowing damn well
we are simply two different people.
I actually thought I was wrong, and wanted to make ammends.
How can I do that, we cant be freinds.
Months went by, and I still thought of you.
Then one day a little birdy whispered in my ear, the truth.
Astounded and dumbfounded should have been my middle name.
You really pulled one over me, and in Jesus name you claim, peace.
In the words of many ghetto philosophers, negro please.
Get up off your, so called spiritual quest.
Become a guest in the house of reality.
Dont be a statistic from self afflicted wounds, leaving you a casualty.
Im thinking to much about you, but you were my freind through thick and thin.
Atleast thats what I thought.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
N Between the Lines
N Between the lines, is where I pen my fears and frustrations.
Its where I have a meeting of the mind, and carryout mental liberation.
N between the lines, is where my Goddesse and God, summons my soul.
And as I Write here, in between the lines, I surrender control.
N between the lines, is where I spy on the world, and learn the wisdom of the Ancients.
Learning that I to, am one with the Universe, and just as sacred.
N between the lines, is where I read of past memories,
and no matter how much I try to erase the pain, lessons for life, wont set me free.
Escaping, n between the lines, into the space of spaces, is where I can trace lightyears of
truth, written on my ancestors faces.
N between the lines is where you will read of me, of how this person developing into a spiritual being
wanted only to dance with the stars, and listen to the laughter of the trees.
N between the lines, there are my dreams that dream,
that you to can read N between the lines and believe.
Its where I have a meeting of the mind, and carryout mental liberation.
N between the lines, is where my Goddesse and God, summons my soul.
And as I Write here, in between the lines, I surrender control.
N between the lines, is where I spy on the world, and learn the wisdom of the Ancients.
Learning that I to, am one with the Universe, and just as sacred.
N between the lines, is where I read of past memories,
and no matter how much I try to erase the pain, lessons for life, wont set me free.
Escaping, n between the lines, into the space of spaces, is where I can trace lightyears of
truth, written on my ancestors faces.
N between the lines is where you will read of me, of how this person developing into a spiritual being
wanted only to dance with the stars, and listen to the laughter of the trees.
N between the lines, there are my dreams that dream,
that you to can read N between the lines and believe.
Fruits of My Labor
planted the seed, tilled the land
now im holding, the fruits of my labor, in my hand
worked two damn jobs, just to put a roof over my head
back and feet hurt so much, from standing, i wanted to be dead
keep going was a little voice, singing in my mind
while listening to the background yell out, its gonna take some time
lawd have mercy on my soul, sweet Jesus help me reach my goal
saving all money, acting all funny, when people wanted my ends
no time for going out, it was more like see u latter my freind
i got a job to do, damn had I had two, only wanted to work one
there wasnt a second for fun,
Cause I was planting seeds and tilling the land
so i could hold on to the fruits of my labor,
and maybe serve dinner at my table
one day, in my house
that i held the deed too, and ofcourse with my name on it
a brick porch front house, is what i evisioned
but the banks said my fico score and credit history would make that descision
and years of employment at the same job with a decesnt salary
there wasnt a easy way to cut through all the formalities
nothing in life is easy, if you want it, you gotta work, you gots to bust your ass
you gotta plant some seeds, till the land
so you can hold on, to the fruits of your labor, in your hand.
it took me a year to accomplish the unthinkable
sacrificed me so I could be free, became more conceviable
10/20/2009 was the closing date, I received keys that opened doors to my fate.
It was all worth it, I would do it all over again, just to prove to my self.
If I plant some seeds and then till the land.
I can hold on to, the fruits of my labor, in my hand.
Amen-Ra
now im holding, the fruits of my labor, in my hand
worked two damn jobs, just to put a roof over my head
back and feet hurt so much, from standing, i wanted to be dead
keep going was a little voice, singing in my mind
while listening to the background yell out, its gonna take some time
lawd have mercy on my soul, sweet Jesus help me reach my goal
saving all money, acting all funny, when people wanted my ends
no time for going out, it was more like see u latter my freind
i got a job to do, damn had I had two, only wanted to work one
there wasnt a second for fun,
Cause I was planting seeds and tilling the land
so i could hold on to the fruits of my labor,
and maybe serve dinner at my table
one day, in my house
that i held the deed too, and ofcourse with my name on it
a brick porch front house, is what i evisioned
but the banks said my fico score and credit history would make that descision
and years of employment at the same job with a decesnt salary
there wasnt a easy way to cut through all the formalities
nothing in life is easy, if you want it, you gotta work, you gots to bust your ass
you gotta plant some seeds, till the land
so you can hold on, to the fruits of your labor, in your hand.
it took me a year to accomplish the unthinkable
sacrificed me so I could be free, became more conceviable
10/20/2009 was the closing date, I received keys that opened doors to my fate.
It was all worth it, I would do it all over again, just to prove to my self.
If I plant some seeds and then till the land.
I can hold on to, the fruits of my labor, in my hand.
Amen-Ra
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Twisted Heart Strings
I wrapped my self in your love,
yet, u disregaurd us, as if we never were.
Leaving me here with the blues.
No clues, of how we arrived here.
Your gone, and now Im left in fear.
Wipping tears, away with memories thats engraved in me.
My heart you have, please give me FREE.
You cant see, cause if you had eyes.
You would pull them out and look at all my pain,
then yourself, you would despise.
I love you with the depths of my very being.
How can you let go, and keep disbeliving, in we.
Maybe, you always wanted to be FREE, without me.
I've traveled to that far off place, called insanity.
Got lost along the way, cause I was trying to find the Goddesse in me.
So I could travel back to that familiar place called sanity.
So I could start back beliving that without you, I would still have me.
I dont wanna lose me trying to keep you.
I dont wanna lose you and still lose me.
So what the forever in a day do I do with blues and no clues and this scar across my heart.
How do I heal, and still not feel pain when the thought of you rains down on me, on me, down on me.
BABY, BABY, BABY.. if I could rock you to a sweet melody, and slip you into accoma.
I would.
Drink myself silly and forget you ever exsisted.
Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't feel so bad.
Then maybe, I would feel better.
Amen
yet, u disregaurd us, as if we never were.
Leaving me here with the blues.
No clues, of how we arrived here.
Your gone, and now Im left in fear.
Wipping tears, away with memories thats engraved in me.
My heart you have, please give me FREE.
You cant see, cause if you had eyes.
You would pull them out and look at all my pain,
then yourself, you would despise.
I love you with the depths of my very being.
How can you let go, and keep disbeliving, in we.
Maybe, you always wanted to be FREE, without me.
I've traveled to that far off place, called insanity.
Got lost along the way, cause I was trying to find the Goddesse in me.
So I could travel back to that familiar place called sanity.
So I could start back beliving that without you, I would still have me.
I dont wanna lose me trying to keep you.
I dont wanna lose you and still lose me.
So what the forever in a day do I do with blues and no clues and this scar across my heart.
How do I heal, and still not feel pain when the thought of you rains down on me, on me, down on me.
BABY, BABY, BABY.. if I could rock you to a sweet melody, and slip you into accoma.
I would.
Drink myself silly and forget you ever exsisted.
Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't feel so bad.
Then maybe, I would feel better.
Amen
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Truth
I heard silence was golden, so I stole it, to give me clarity.
Wanted to hear truth, in abstract purple and green frequencies.
Darling---Intergalactic Universal Balance is what I Need.
Knowing the truth, is as painful as getting a broken heart.
So therefore I choose for now, to cry, because time will mend and restart.
Tell me the truth, just let me hear it.
Don't sugar coat, what could be my savior and deliverance.
For so long lies has smiled in my face, but you can turn it around if
you just speak truth to power in its place.
Tell me the truth, Im begging you to.
Can you please understand that without it, my mind will wander,
with distorted conundrums, wondering if all that i was ever told could be undone.
Tell me the truth and not what you THINK I should hear.
I dont need your manipulation bending my ear.
Within me there shall be no fear, from truth.
You got this ish twisted if you, think you could lie to me.
My soldiers of love, got my back, posted up on my corners, ready to take a bullet for me.
Allowing me to breathe.
You aint got Ish on Me.
Now step to the rythm of truth.
Wanted to hear truth, in abstract purple and green frequencies.
Darling---Intergalactic Universal Balance is what I Need.
Knowing the truth, is as painful as getting a broken heart.
So therefore I choose for now, to cry, because time will mend and restart.
Tell me the truth, just let me hear it.
Don't sugar coat, what could be my savior and deliverance.
For so long lies has smiled in my face, but you can turn it around if
you just speak truth to power in its place.
Tell me the truth, Im begging you to.
Can you please understand that without it, my mind will wander,
with distorted conundrums, wondering if all that i was ever told could be undone.
Tell me the truth and not what you THINK I should hear.
I dont need your manipulation bending my ear.
Within me there shall be no fear, from truth.
You got this ish twisted if you, think you could lie to me.
My soldiers of love, got my back, posted up on my corners, ready to take a bullet for me.
Allowing me to breathe.
You aint got Ish on Me.
Now step to the rythm of truth.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Realization
Sometimes we have to realize the bigger picture and set aside our differences in order to make a difference. I realized, Im growing and holding pain and frustration in, is only going to hinder my progress. Realizing mistakes is what helps to mold our future judgements and descisions when it comes to life. All we have is now, and since I have realized this, Im gonna do something about it.
I know its easier said than done but hey, we have to start somewhere.
I know its easier said than done but hey, we have to start somewhere.
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